Words of wisdom

“To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream;

not only plan, but also believe.”

-- Anatole France --

Four years on ...

What were you doing four years ago?

You see, tomorrow (March 31, 2010), marks the four year anniversary of my first diagnosis with this really shit thing called cancer. It feels like a lifetime since that day.

I’m not sure how to feel about this anniversary. It’s a little surreal, to be honest. I don’t remember life without “it”. Even between relapses, it’s kind of always there? I don’t know how to explain it.

It sounds totally cliché, but I believe the experience has made me a better person. Don’t get me wrong; the past four years have been a rollercoaster of emotions for, not just me, but my family and friends. But, I’ve grown up, and I’ve learned that life should be cherished. There’s no room in life to put off what you really want to do because you don’t know for sure that you’ll have the time or get another chance. Tomorrow simply isn’t a sure thing.

On and around this day, I usually feel the need to listen to much of Delta Goodrem's latest work to reflect, feel and be inspired. It’s not often that you find a song that you can completely relate to, but for me, I think these two songs are as close as it gets.

BE STRONG – (a song that, almost without fail, will make me cry. And I’m no crier.)

Are you swimming upstream in oceans of blue?
Do you feel like your sinking?
Are you sick of the rain after all you’ve been through?
Well I know what you’re thinking
When you can’t take it
You can make it
Sometime soon I know you will see

Cause when your in you’re darkest hour
And all of the light just fades away
When you’re like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of grey
Well hang on and be strong

Where taking each step one day at a time
You can’t lose your spirit
Let live and let live forget and forgive
It’s all how you see it
And just remember keep it together
Don’t you know you’re never alone?

Cause when you’re in your darkest hour
and all of the light just fades away
When you’re like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of grey
Well hang on, and be strong

No you’re not defeated
And soon you’ll be smiling once again
Then you won’t have to feel it
Let it go with the wind
Time passes us by
And know that you’re allowed to cry

Cause when you’re in your darkest hour
And all of the light just fades away
When you’re like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of grey
Well hang on and be strong

POSSESSIONLESS – written by Delta about “how chemotherapy taught her what’s important in life – by losing every strand of hair on her body and rediscovering herself.”

All the things that I’ve collected
Stones and shells
Every word in every book
Upon my shelves
Only form a brief description of myself
But they don't define who I am
I don't think anything can, no
If I strip away the non-necessities
All the damage all the mess surrounding me
I don't crave what I have not
I don't need more than I’ve got
It's just me that I offer up

All I got is my body
And it's naked for you
All I got is this heart
That I’m willing to lose
I know in this life
I give it everything
All I got is this soul and
It’s shedding its clothes
Do you see who I am now?

You’re standing this close
You know in these arms
You're feeling everything
I'm learning what to give
What to protect
To look into the mirror
Though I’m not perfect
It's still a work in progress
Hasn't finished yet
Wanna be transparent
See through
Not gonna hide me from you

All I got is my body
And it's naked for you
All I got is this heart
That I’m willing to lose
I know in this life
I give it everything
All I got is this soul and
It’s shedding its clothes
Do you see who I am now?

You’re standing this close
You know in these arms
You're feeling everything
I'm completely undressed
But I couldn't care less
I'm standing here possessionless
It's the only true test
When the only thing left
Is a love that’s possessionless?
I don't crave what I have not
I don't need more than I’ve got
It's just me that I offer up

All I got is my body
And it's naked for you
All I got is this heart
That I’m willing to lose
I know in this life
I give it everything
All I got is this soul and
It’s shedding its clothes
Do you see who I am now?
You’re standing this close
You know in these arms
You're feeling everything

For me, while losing my hair wasn’t my happiest moment, it was what I was missing out on that really made me realise what is important in life. I missed opportunities. That is one of the worst feelings in the world.

So tomorrow, I've decided I'm going to simply eat good food, relax and tell my family how much they mean to me, and thank them for being there through thick and thin. My advice to everyone is to do the same.

xxx

Things that make me go mmm...

Alright, so you've probably realised by now that I am not the best blogger going, or the most dedicated.

In an attempt to push myself to become a regular blogger, I have come up with 'Things that me go Mmm ...' Put simply, a list of my latest obsessions, cravings, loves and the like. Perhaps even dislikes. Who knows! Hopefully a different list will be compiled every week, but I can't promise anything. I'm still new to this thing, okay?!

Now for the first installment;

1. Boy Crush: On Ben Te'o, in a big way. I mean, have you ever seen such a God-like creature walking the earth? And he can play good, hard footy. Did I mention he plays for the Broncos? I think we're meant to be. LOL. But seriously, crushing big time.

Photo source: The Daily Telegraph

2. New Story: The Lara Bingle/Michael Clarke debacle, fallout, whatever you want to call it. I'm not going to lie, I have never been a fan of Bingle, and couldn't care less about cricket. But this story really has me going. I've heard all the news stories (who can miss them? they're everywhere!), I've read the recent New Idea article ('Villain or Victim', March 13, 2010) and the Woman's Day interview ('My side of the story', March 15, 2010). The New Idea article, to me indicates quite clearly that she is a temptress, and a good one at that. And that photo being circulated? She's a bikini model, and you see nothing more than when she's posing on a beach yelling "Where the bloody hell are you?" Is she upset that it's a naked photo of her? Or, is she upset she doesn't look that good in it?

Photo Source: http://www.licostars.com/

What's the difference?

Photo Source: The Daily Telegraph

For those who haven't read the New Idea article, here's a list of the 'stars' she's gone through (well, the ones known about anyway). Note the timing of each;

a) March, 2006 - NRL star, Greg Bird

b) April, 2006 - Another NRL star, Craig Wing

c) May, 2006 - CSI star, George Eads

d) December, 2006 - AFL star, Brendon Fevola

e) January, 2007 - Australian cricket stars, Andrew Symonds and Michael. Yes, you read correctly, she had links to both of them.

Admittedly, these guys should have been faithful to the partners they had, but what do we expect? They're male; she's throwing herself at them. And to the Woman's Day interview ... Was it me, or did she dodge every question? And really, do you believe she actually loves Michael Clarke, or the lifestyle Michael Clarke brings? I don't know about you, but I believe the latter.

The latest is that Bingle's family have "offered" their story on the engagement with Michael Clarke for $100,000. Tell me they're not money hungry!

All of this at the ripe age of 22???

Michael Clarke isn't safe in this rant either. What a wimpy Vice Captain the Australian cricket team has, to just up and leave because he can't keep his fiancee in check? He has a responsibility to his team; he's the Vice Captain! This shower photo was taken before Bingle and Clarke hooked up, so what was the urgency anyhow? There has to be something more to the story. Did she do the dirty on him? Time will tell.

3. Celeb: Sam Worthington, could this guy be more down-to-Earth? I have, for a long time, been a fan of Sam, with Bootmen being one of my favourite movies of all time. It's an extensive list, but that's beside the point. Some have grilled him after the Oscars 82nd Academy Awards for being "rude" and leaving "many cold". However, I like to think that he doesn't like the "fluff" that Hollywood brings. He looked just as suave as the next Hollywood hunk in his "Payless shoes and friggen' kick-arse suit", designed by "some bloke". Good on him, I say!

Photo Source: http://www.fabsugar.com.au/

4. Newbie: Corey Norman, the sensational new fullback for the Brisbane Broncos. Finding a replacement for Karmichael Hunt was always going to be a difficult task, but I think Corey is well on his way to filling in his shoes. The kid has fingertips sent from angels above, and shone like a star in his debut game against the North Queensland Cowboys on Friday night.

Review of Broncos vs. Cowboys - Round 1, March 12, 2010: http://www.broncos.com.au/default.aspx?s=article-display&id=23361

Photo Source: The Brisbane Times

Until next time, kids, happy blogging xxx

POP goes my blogging cherry

Okay so, I've been planning on starting a blog for a while now, but 1) have not been this bored in a very long time, 2) didn't think I'd have anything interesting to say and 3) couldn't believe that anyone in the right mind would want to read the generally boring ramblings of little old me. So just to ease my way into this revolution that is "blogging", I'm going to treat it like a diary, and see how I go from there.

This first post can be an introduction, just because I can.

My name is Amy. I am 20 years old, born and raised on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. I live with my typical nuclear family, with a twist of 'skeletons in my closet', but I love it.

In July 2009, I FINALLY STARTED UNI! I cannot stress the word 'FINALLY' enough. You see, I was forced to take what most people call a 'gap year' for 2007/08. Why, might you ask? Well, let me take it back to the start ...

In 2006, I entered my final year of high school. However, by the time February/March came around, I had missed the majority of school because I had 'glandular fever' or 'pneumonia' (as I was first diagnosed with). Oh, how I'd love to see the doctors that diagnosed me with those again - and punch them right in the face. Anyway, it wasn't glandular fever or pneumonia. Far from it really ... It was Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Quite a thing to deal with at the age of 16, yes?

Okay, so that was Round 1. Yes, there have been more than one instance that the doctor has looked blankly at me and said, "there is cancer there". In fact, I've heard it four times now.

Round 2 came in October 2007; the year I had gone back and finished high school. A month away from graduation and oh, look at that - it's back. I did make it to the graduation ceremony, after getting out of hospital just that morning. In January 2008, I spent about a month and a half in hospital having, what turned out to be, an unsuccessful stem cell transplant.

Round 3 ... Ahh, yes ... A group of friends and I had never been to Melbourne, so we decided we would go for a weekend away in July 2008. The day we were due to leave, oh, it's back.

And finally, Round 4. I must say here that while I was "in the clear" between each round, I had deferred uni, and was looking to start every time a new semester began. In July 2009, I was getting rather excited. Uni was due to start and I was feeling great. Three days before I was to have my first uni lecture, and, you guessed it - it's back. But this time, it was going to stop me from going to uni! Last week, I started my second semester of uni. I'm studying a Bachelor of Public Relations, and loving it. I'm still having treatment and too many hospital visits, but managing a balance.

A common question I get is, why Public Relations? Well, combine that with my mad love for the Brisbane Broncos (actually, NRL in general!) and you have one hell of a dream to become a manager of some sort at your favourite footy club. I'll get there; in a couple of years I will be knock-knock-knocking on Bruno's (Cullen, CEO of Brisbane Broncos) door!

Well, I think I've covered everything for now. No doubt as soon as I post this, I will think of something else I should have said.

Until next time, happy blogging xxx